I Need Carbs [Bad] by Davina
This post has 4 comments

It’s been a long day. Less then five hours of sleep due to random awakenings in the middle of the night, feeling my starving stomach. Up at 7 am and in the gym to do cardio before coffee, before breakfast.

davina_shemuscle

I was so bleary eyed this morning, I had to continue to look down at my feet on the stairmaster for fear I’d miss a step and fall off the machine. I was so distant, I placed my splenda packets in the refrigerator last night and spent 15 minutes this morning searching for them to put in my oatmeal. Lifting has become an effort, not only physically, but mentally as well. I try all the usual things that motivate me, listening to my music, admiring my physique in the gym mirrors of, but still I feel a certain level of mental exhaustion which is difficult to overcome.

Why do I do this?

shemuscle

Tracy Mason called it a “sickness”, the desire to diet, to compete. I’ve heard that you need to be masochistic to enjoy this sport, to put your body through what I put mine through. It’s no easy thing, physical deprivation. Your physical well being, which is inherent to anybody’s sense of comfort, suddenly becomes a daily struggle, a source of pain, and you are forced to rely solely on the mind for strength. Perhaps that’s what I love about bodybuilding- the mental challenge I take on each and every time I commit to doing a show. It’s a battle with myself, a test of mental fortitude, a trial of the mind.

Still, each and every time I diet I swear it will be my last. Yet the moment I set foot on that stage, I am fast forwarding through time and planning out my next show, and the show after that, and the show after that. The cycle never ends. Perhaps calling the sport an “addiction” is accurate, but I think in order to understand why I compete, you need to cut deeper than that.

shemuscle

I see the changes in my physique as art. I think all of us, as human beings, need art, on one level or another. We need to feel passion, to feel movement, to generate creation. We need something that allows us to experience, grow, and evolve. Artists paint, writers write, musicians play, and singers sing. As for me, I lift.

I consider the iron my paintbrush, my body the canvas, and the end product is something far more rewarding then artwork, pretty words, or a moving song- it is manifest in my physique. The knowledge that I can control my physique through my mental strength and physical prowess in the gym is incredibly empowering. It places the ability to evolve and change in my hands. A sense of control over oneself, the knowledge that you can, in a sense, create your body, is perhaps art in its purest form. My hard work is evident in my physique, in the swell of my quads, and the depth of my abs, the shape of my biceps, and the definition in my shoulders. My veins are the roadmap of every grunted dumbbell curl, every lateral raise, every shoulder press, and ever dip I’ve ever done. My body is my art, and the actions I take daily in the gym are the process of creation. Each time I set foot in the gym I am changing, moving, growing, and sculpting my physique.

This sport, this process, can perhaps have a definite beginning, but it has no end. I am what I make of it, and my body is my greatest masterpiece. So in response to the “why on earth do you do this?” I have to answer with one word- Art. All the late night hunger pains, the struggle in the gym, the daily sweat and grunt over iron, and the hours upon hours spent hashing it out on cardio machines pale in comparison to the sense of artistic achievement I feel when I step on stage as a “finishedâ€� product.

Bear with me as a diet. I apologize for staying away so long. Let’s just say I was engulfed in art.



    Also See: Davina, Davina Feature,

4 Responses to “I Need Carbs [Bad] by Davina”

  1. andreag

    davina ; ) …i must say this is my favorite read of all!!! you are an inspiration!



  2. Davina

    Thanks Andrea:0) Appreciate it!

    MUAH. xx



  3. FreeDOM 2 ExPreSs

    For Art Sake, PleaSe keep cReating & wRiting.. I LoVe the reSults.. xoxoxo



  4. D Malcolm

    Davina

    I know what you are talking about, my former wife and I use to compete. I know the push when there is nothing left but emptyness. But look at hte mirror if you Davina need a reason, but more importantly look inside and how you feel and how you bounce when other barely walk. Be prowd and feel strong as you are is what I offer. Do not give up now!!!
    Do you need a challange you have not had before to keep you going??? I have one I used before that works. Malcolm



Leave a Reply